It's hard to believe that we've had Molly for just over a year. She has been one of those animals that once we had her it was as though we had always had her. We commented as much to each other just weeks after getting her. I'm still not sure as to how any family could have given her up. The picture my mind conjures when imagining such people is of a cadre of sideshow attractions who revel in debauched acts. It's not a favorable picture.
Molly in many ways is the perfect dog. She's well-behaved, knows several commands, smart as a whip and easily controllable on the rare occasions when she steps out of line. The only thing about her behavior that I would like to change is her separation anxiety and the extreme excitement she experiences when we have visitors. We have casually tried to coax her to chill out when people come over but it's been clear for a long time that if we want to change this it's going to require quite a bit of work and some helpful volunteers. But even so, even with this essentially minuscule problem with her behavior, her only sin is that she loves too much. It's hard to punish someone for being so excited by your arrival home from a long day away.
Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of time to go on and on in a sappy endless litany about how my dog is more awesome than your dog. Just know that she is. So whenever you feel like ass, when nothing is going your way know that there's a dog out there, and she feels the deepest affection for you.
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This is usually the part where I make some lame excuse about how I never post and feel bad about it. Only I'm lying, because I don't actually feel bad. If you don't have anything better to do than check my blog, you sir (or ma'am) are in seriously sad shape. Might I suggest Sudoku? A good book? Pornography? At any rate, sitting around waiting for me post something is for self-flagellating asshats. You're not a self-flagellating asshat are you? If you are, there's probably a decent career opportunity in the aforementioned porn industry for you. I understand people pay top dollar to watch guys get their bits stepped on and clamped into all manner of medieval devices. But I digress.
I came here to tell you about how I'm going to die. I can see it all very clearly now and so I thought it might be nice to share with the rest of the class. You see, a certain local market has been having blow out sales on a certain animal by-product I usually call Meat. I could fill you in on the gory fiscal details (and let me assure you they are deep and warm like a jungle valley) but I won't because it's not important how much money I'm saving by eating New York Strip steaks four times a week. What's important is that these same meals are going to kill me dead. I haven't braved a trip to the doctor since beginning this all-meat extravaganza but I can tell you with great certainty that by judging by the performance of my colon in the last month, he would not be pleased.
I can also promise you that at some point tomorrow I will walk downstairs, try to figure out something to fix myself for a quick lunch, and end up settling on some variation of a large slab of beef seasoned and cooked with fire. Why? Not only do I cook a damn fine steak (and believe you me, I do) it's damn easy. Plus I'm not hungry for like eight hours afterward so I get to spend the rest of my day not worrying about food or what I'm going to eat because I already have and there's no reason to eat again. Ever. I have developed quite a rhythm. I can have a steak from the freezer to my plate, piping hot and delicious in less than 20 minutes. I can hardly match that time with a lunch meat sandwich. For this I blame Alton Brown, my newest TV hetero man-crush. (He replaced Bear Grylls after I realized that Man vs. Wild is just the same five fucking episodes played on a loop.)
Anyway, at some point the party will end and hopefully I will live to see the end of this psychedelic trip. I think I know how Hunter S. Thomson felt. If I don't make it, bury me with a bottle of Worcestershire.
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Hey guys, haven't seen you in a while. How've you been? How's the wife/husband? And how are the kids/pets? Are you still into biking/snowboarding/checkers/music/ironmaning/masturbating/ritual sacrifice? How's that been going for you? I know we haven't seen much of each other lately. I just wanted to let you know that I warned you this would happen. I usually blog hot and fierce for a few months, year if you're lucky then I get bored with it or never can think o anything to write about. More likely, I've jut moved on to another techno-fad. But we had some good times right? Remember those crazy videos I used to post? Those were good right? I saw this just the other day and I thought of you.
'Warcraft' Sequel Lets Gamers Play A Character Playing 'Warcraft'
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I wish I were making this up.
I really, really, really wish I were making this up.
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I just came across this and I could not, in good conscience, pass it by. It's things like this that make me so glad that Al Gore invented the internet.
This ties into the topic on which I intend to actually blog soon, now now. Watch this first.
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It's an unavoidable reality these days. Here's a helpful article on managing the ladies in your work environment.
Don't shoot the messenger. I have some things I might actually want to blog about soon. I know, try not to choke on the tongue you just bit off.
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I've not been around. I've been regulating suckas online and being dually regulated. But check this out, it is very cool.
Make your own Kaleidescope.
Remind me to tell you about Molly's Big Day Out. We have pictures.
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In case you don't click the link, I'm going to post the text that appears on each page. I think once you read it, you'll be sure to click that link and see just what I mean.
Who would have guessed that when you remove Garfield from the Garfield comic strips, the result is an even better comic about schizophrenia, bipolor disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life? Friends, meet Jon Arbuckle. Let’s laugh and learn with him on a journey deep into the tortured mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against lonliness and methamphetamine addiction in a quiet American suburb.
You're clicking it now right? Ok just as added insurance, here's a free sample.
Someday I may go back to posting words about things, but it is not this day.
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Katra, this is for you.
My wife came across this thing not long after I showed her Obama's hip new video. I'm guessing this was a rebuttal, or a reaction, or ... something.
I... You see... just... here.
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